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December 08 Butt DustKids, you never know just what they might say.....
Butt Dust
What, may you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on as these marvelous stories unfold of what children think about and you'll discover the joy in it! JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his
new baby sister. After awhile he asked: "Mom, Is one for hot and one for cold milk?" MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you look in the back of your panties, mine says “five to six” STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight. "I love you so much, that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window." BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?" SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough." D.I. (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?" MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?" CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?" JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city , but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, little James asked: "What happened to the flea?" TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew . Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?" And finally.....
August 13 Friendship...Friends... "True" Friendship None of that Sissy Crap Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card- just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused -- I will use little words. 7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. 9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend". Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth. Luv to you all..... July 30 Where did the years go ?IT'S BEEN A FAST 30 YEARS! 1970: Long Hair 2000: Longing for hair 1970: The perfect high. 2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund. 1970: Keg. 2000: EKG. 1970: Acid Rock. 2000: Acid Reflux. 1970: Moving to California because it's cool. 2000: Moving to California because it's warm. 1970: Growing pot. 2000: Growing pot belly. 1970: Douglas Street bridge. 2000: Dental bridge. 1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. 2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children. 1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. 2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. 1970: Seeds and stems. 2000: Roughage. 1970: Popping pills, smoking joints. 2000: Popping joints. 1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel. 2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity. 1970: Paar. 2000: AARP. 1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine. 2000: Being caught with Hustler magazine. 1970: Killer weed. 2000: Weed killer. 1970: Hoping for a BMW. 2000: Hoping for a BM. 1970: The Grateful Dead. 2000: Dr. Kevorkian. 1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint. 2000: Getting a new hip joint. 1970: Rolling Stones. 2000: Kidney stones. 1970: Being called into the principal's office. 2000: Calling the principal's office. 1970: Screw the system! 2000: Upgrade the system. 1970: Peace sign. 2000: Mercedes logo. 1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut. 2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved. 1970: Take acid. 2000: Take antacid. 1970: Passing the driver's test. 2000: Passing the vision test. 1970: "Whatever" 2000: "Depends" |
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